Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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