Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
