I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
