In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
