After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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