my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
