Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
