I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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