Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
