I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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