So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
