Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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