Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
