Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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