he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
