Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
