so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My dick has a subreddit
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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