you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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