i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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