If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize