it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
