Cold hands, warm shart.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
