I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
