the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
