dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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