Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Randomize
