It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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