matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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