There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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