Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
