ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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