youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
