If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My liver just had a heart attack.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
