dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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