You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
