remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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