i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
