Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
