Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
