i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
