I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
