I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
