A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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