I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
