last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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