Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
