the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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