All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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