I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
