Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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