Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
