i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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