jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
