She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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