guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
