textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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