It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I looked at my own cervix.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize