my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
