Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
