God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
