So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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