The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
