Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
