i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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