Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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