just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
