The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
