he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
