Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
