I hope mine doesn't look like that
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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